I owe a lot of beer to a lot of people, but that’s for another time. I’ve spent too much of my life being miserable and allowing that to negatively impact the people around me. If there’s something to take from it, I want you to gain from my mistakes.
People and events come into our lives for reasons and ultimately benefits we can’t initially comprehend. For example, an adversarial manager at the dealership I worked at in my 20s gave me the experience that taught me to deal with far more challenging managers in the future. Thinking back to how much I despised him and his behavior, I now feel like I owe this man a beer and a thank you. This may be a weak example but I’ve learned past experiences were preparation for future trials. I spent more energy complaining than trying to understand what lesson there was to gain. I was a short-sighted youth, now a retrospective old man.
All the negativity I put out into the world was wasted energy, It made me impossible to be around. The surly treatment I received became the surly treatment my circle received. Protect your friends and loved ones from the unhealed behavior you encounter.
Marcus Aurelius said, “When faced with people’s bad behavior, turn around and ask when you have acted like that.”
Everyone is going through life doing what they think is best for them, even those we consider “evil.” I’m not them and they may be doing the right thing. There’s no benefit to judging someone for a lack of social graces or transgressions that aren’t ours. This only leads to unhappiness. I’ve learned the best course of action is to be strict with and vigilant of my behavior and to be forgiving of others. Judgment is comparison. The desire to compare ourselves to another reveals something missing within ourselves. We are not better or worse than anyone. In the grand complexity of the universe, the idea of there being a better or worse is trivial.
The challenging aspects of my personality I’m as equally thankful for as those who have challenged me. I’m doing what I can to put the best version of myself out into the world and that allows me to love who I’ve become. I urge everyone to do the work. How you learn, and how you react to the trials of life is a measure of your character. Hopefully no one needs to hear that strength of character is both a benefit to you and those you love. If you don’t know the story of the Chinese farmer, I recommend you watch this video. It helps me keep perspective.
